Wonder Woman

Wonder WomanDirector: Patty Jenkins
Run Time: 2h 21m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 4.5

Me before Wonder Woman: …but I’m not a feminist…
Me after Wonder Woman: …AND WOMEN ARE EVERYTHING! WE WILL SAVE HUMANITY AND RESTORE PEACE, LOVE, AND UNDERSTANDING! OVERCOMING THE ‘NO MAN’S LANDS’ OF OUR TIME WILL BE OUR QUEST AND WE WILL SUCCEED IN ALL OUR BAD*** FEMALE GLORY!…

Before Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons…there was Diana of Themyscira, daughter of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons. And you bet your a** she’s a muthaf*****’ treasure! Continue reading

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The Great Wall

great-wall-theDirector: Yimou Zhang
Run Time: 1h 43m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 3.0

Witness ancient Chinese warriors defeat mountain monsters with science. Continue reading

The Huntsman: Winter’s War

Huntsman, The - Winter's WarDirector: Cedric Nicolas-Troyan
Run Time: 1h 54m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 2.0

It’s movies like The Huntsman that make me glad I don’t have a sister. Girls are bitches. Especially if they have magic powers.

When compared to Snow White and the Huntsman, here we find better acting and worse story. Continue reading

Mad Max: Fury Road

Mad Max Fury RoadDirector: George Miller
Run Time: 2h 0m
Rating: R
Stars: 1.5

Rob Zombie and Ozzy Ozbourne had a love child and sent him to a Silent Hill version of The Dark Crystal. I cannot comprehend how this movie has a rating of 8.7 on IMDB. I can see ½ star for Tom Hardy, ½ star for Charlize Theron, and ½ star for the action. That’s quite a gap between an equivalent 4.5 stars on my rating scale. Continue reading