The Shape of Water

Shape of Water, TheDirector: Guillermo del Toro
Run Time: 2h 3m
MPAA: R
Stars: 1.5

I’m convinced critics have no idea what they’re doing. Or they’re just f***ing with us. Continue reading

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Wonder Woman

Wonder WomanDirector: Patty Jenkins
Run Time: 2h 21m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 4.5

Me before Wonder Woman: …but I’m not a feminist…
Me after Wonder Woman: …AND WOMEN ARE EVERYTHING! WE WILL SAVE HUMANITY AND RESTORE PEACE, LOVE, AND UNDERSTANDING! OVERCOMING THE ‘NO MAN’S LANDS’ OF OUR TIME WILL BE OUR QUEST AND WE WILL SUCCEED IN ALL OUR BAD*** FEMALE GLORY!…

Before Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons…there was Diana of Themyscira, daughter of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons. And you bet your a** she’s a muthaf*****’ treasure! Continue reading

Life

LifeDirector: Daniel Espinosa
Run Time: 1h 44m
MPAA: R
Stars: 3.0

Our fascination with Mars continues when we stupidly discover Life on the Red Planet. Mark Watney is even luckier than we thought. And that’s saying something. Continue reading

Arrival

arrivalDirector: Denis Villeneuve
Run Time: 1h 56m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 3.5

Denis Villeneuve adds to his portfolio another incredibly interesting film. There will be sci-fi fans abound who will fall in love with this movie. My prejudice for the genre — and Arrival‘s particular subgenre — kept me from being completely wowed. Continue reading

Independence Day

Independence DayDirector: Roland Emmerich
Run Time: 2h 25m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 4.0

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution…but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

Pres. Thomas Whitmore

Perhaps my most favorite speech in cinematic history. Continue reading

The Martian

Martian, TheDirector: Ridley Scott
Run Time: 2h 24m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 5.0

If asked to describe The Martian in one word it would be hard to choose between either “smart” or simply “yes”. Either is fitting. Both are accurate. Continue reading

The Age of Adaline

Age of Adaline, TheDirector: Lee Toland Krieger
Run Time: 1h 52m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 3.5

If you were to ask the half-century sorority girls sitting next to me in the theater, they’d give Adaline a “5”. A “high-five”, in fact…every 10 minutes…in between squeals and plot predictions…for a full two hours…

Now, we’ll save my theater etiquette pet peeves for another time. Instead I’ll simply say I may not have the same enthusiasm for The Age of Adaline mostly because I’m so conflicted on whether or not I liked it. Continue reading