Thor: Ragnarok

Thor - RagnarokDirector: Taika Waititi
Run Time: 2h 10m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 3.0

What I Love: Taika Waititi, Chris Hemsworth, their real-life bromance
What I Do Not Love: Taika’s cinematic love letter to Rock, Paper, Scissors (starring Chris Hemsworth)

Strap in for Marvel’s Thunder, Fire, Death: A Comedy Continue reading

Advertisements

Independence Day: Resurgence

Independence Day - ResurgenceDirector: Roland Emmerich
Run Time: 2 Long
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 0.5

We had twenty years to make a great movie. Wtf happened?

It will be difficult to logically encapsulate my hatred for this movie because logic was omitted from its entirety. I will abandon my usual ‘spoiler free’ stance and spoil the hell out of things without apologizing. I will give you a heads up to skip a paragraph or two but I’m doing you a favor by providing the information. A huge, $12+, 120-minute favor. What a sh*tfest. Continue reading

Independence Day

Independence DayDirector: Roland Emmerich
Run Time: 2h 25m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 4.0

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution…but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

Pres. Thomas Whitmore

Perhaps my most favorite speech in cinematic history. Continue reading

Jurassic Park

Jurassic ParkDirector: Steven Spielberg
Run Time: 2h 7m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 5.0

Growing up my parents were very strict about what my brother and I were allowed to watch/read/do/etc. Someone told them Jurassic Park was all blood and guts and dismemberment; essentially an atrociously evil movie. Obviously, this would not be allowed. One night my parents were walking through Walmart and stopped to watch the movie playing in the Entertainment department (when stores still did that sort of thing). They stood there for a good 10 minutes in awe of what they were seeing, convinced they needed to purchase this masterpiece immediately. The movie that made them stop? Jurassic Park. Continue reading