The Dark Tower

Dark Tower, TheDirector: Nikolaj Arcel
Run Time: 1h 35m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 1.5

Idris Elba lost a bet, right? I mean, I get why McConaughey agrees to sucky things. But Elba?! He must’ve made a rotten deal. Or blacked out for 6 months and woke up to find out he starred in this against his will. I need answers! Continue reading

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Wonder Woman

Wonder WomanDirector: Patty Jenkins
Run Time: 2h 21m
MPAA: PG-13
Stars: 4.5

Me before Wonder Woman: …but I’m not a feminist…
Me after Wonder Woman: …AND WOMEN ARE EVERYTHING! WE WILL SAVE HUMANITY AND RESTORE PEACE, LOVE, AND UNDERSTANDING! OVERCOMING THE ‘NO MAN’S LANDS’ OF OUR TIME WILL BE OUR QUEST AND WE WILL SUCCEED IN ALL OUR BAD*** FEMALE GLORY!…

Before Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons…there was Diana of Themyscira, daughter of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons. And you bet your a** she’s a muthaf*****’ treasure! Continue reading

Free State of Jones

Free State of JonesDirector: Gary Ross
Run Time: 2h 19m
MPAA: R
Stars: 3.0

You cannot own a child of God…– Newton Knight (Matthew McConaughey)
…but you can own a Lincoln.– My dear brother imitating M. McConaughey

Free State of Jones feels almost as long as the Civil War itself.  Continue reading